Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
These tits shall not be calmed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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