My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
