Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
