There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
