Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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