So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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