somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
