i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
