The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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