is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize