she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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