I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
