I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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