Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
