I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
