I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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