from now on my penis is your penis
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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