you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
