I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
