your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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