what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
