Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
