i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
