I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
