i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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