when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
