the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
