mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
