I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
