you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
