Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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