you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
