im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize