Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
