Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
