Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
