i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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