Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
