Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
