I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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