i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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