It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
