Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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