Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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