I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
