The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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