you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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