My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
