I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
