so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
