i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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