The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
