went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
