Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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