First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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