why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
