I got chris browned last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
