I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
