How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
