I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
