i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
