I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
