i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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