I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
