It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
