hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
